Mom

Today I’m feeling sentimental because it’s my mom’s birthday. She has always been a constant source of love and understanding for me over the years. As I was thinking about her and how great she is, my mind was flooded with tons of hilarious, heart touching moments we’ve shared together…

Like the time I started my period. I was in the hallway shouting her name because, even though I knew it was coming, I didn’t know it was gonna be SO INTENSE. She came running and told me to calm down. She talked me through the steps I needed to take and then waited outside the bathroom door to ask how it had gone. A few hours later, my Dad got home and said to me, “I heard you became a woman today,” and I could have KILLED her! But, I know now she was just happy to share the news that I was a real lady.

Or, like the time I lost my virginity. I had stayed the night at my boyfriend’s house, but he had to go to work, so I called my Mom for a ride home. On the way home, she asked me, “So, have you two gone all the way yet?” I looked at her like she was some kind of ghostly mind reader and said, “What do you mean?” She answered, “I mean, have you had sex?” I still don’t understand how on earth she knew to ask that question on the literal morning after, especially since my boyfriend and I had been working up to that moment for quite some time. But, she did, which is just a testament to her perfect maternal instincts. Her response was the best part though! She said the coolest thing a Mom could ever say at a time like that, “I’m so happy for you! This is a whole new world you’ll get to explore and, if you ever have any questions, I’m here to talk.”

Or, like the time she came to visit under not-so-great circumstances and we were all bummed out and sad, but somehow we ended up in my living room dancing to Fleetwood Mac with sheets over our heads and giggles on our lips.

Or, like the many times the power would go out in Amador and we would play board games all night by candlelight. Oh how we love board games and each other.

Or, like the time she tried to do the “James Brown” and fell on her face and had to live with the bruises for a month. I’m not saying I want her to have bruises on her face or be in pain, but that James Brown moment was pretty unforgettable.

Or, like the time we were having a birthday party for her and the neighbors called the cops on us. My mom said she would take care of it and next thing you know the cops are coming in to join the party, with smiles on their faces. She’s the cutest little flirt you ever did see.

Or, like the time my college boyfriend broke up with me right before Christmas, and I was heartbroken for the holidays. She just let me lie on the couch and brought me juice in a sippy cup and didn’t ask me to talk about it and gave me lots of hugs, which was exactly what I needed. That’s the amazing thing about her; she seems to always know exactly what I need, sometimes even before I do.

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shit my friends say, chapter 3

“You look like a celebrity about to go to rehab this morning, babe” -Zack Hagan

“Do you want my celery? I chewed on the top part a little bit but I don’t like it and it’s taking up space” -Gianna Assereto

“Every time I see colored hair I just want to dip my head in a rainbow!” -Shauna Davis

“I’m WAY too good looking to change my profile pic for marriage equality” -James Kurtz

Lessons I’ve Learned in Palm Springs

  1. Pool parties in Palm Springs are way less intimidating than pool parties in Vegas. All shapes, sizes, ages and varying levels of pastiness come out to play in their swimwear. Finally! A comfortable bathing suit environment!
  2. Pool tabs add up fast! Keep this in mind when you are the one putting your CC on file.
  3. You should always ask for a complimentary upgrade on your room.
  4. Drunkenly napping in the sun leads to a sobering sunburn.
  5. Pool toys are cool until you realize that a bunch of strangers are basically watching you mount something in your underwear.
  6. When choosing a poolside snack, keep in mind that soggy lettuce and soggy bathing suits are a bad combo. So, skip the salad and just go for the chips and dip!
  7. Palm trees make for pretty pictures.
  8. If you aren’t sure whether you’re a dork, a nerd or a geek, look it up online and discuss it over dinner! It makes for a very interesting dining experience.
  9. Vacation carefully. Cause douchebags go on vacations too! photo-29photo-26IMG_3293photo-27photo-30photo-28

Lessons I’ve Learned at the Amador County Fair

  1. Winning goldfish is fun for all ages! But it comes with great responsibility. Just in case you find yourself with a goldfish and no flake food, they like cucumbers!
  2. Awkward run-ins with exes don’t get better with age, they get more complicated.
  3. The water-balloon game isn’t as fun when an 8-year old beats you.
  4. It’s heartwarming to see people doing what they love. This counts for judging cows!
  5. True love exists! How do I know? Cause these shirts told me so…       0
  6. There are pigs that are so fat that they aren’t allowed to be around other pigs. 🙁
  7. I’m pretty sure we all have a secret desire to crash our cars into each other. That’s why the destruction derby is so fun!
  8. Fair food tastes great! But how are you gonna feel in the morning?
  9. Sheep have problems too (please see attached video).IMG_0953

P.S. To see more pics from the Amador County Fair, click here

Dear Southwest Airlines

I sent this letter to Southwest Airlines and they gave me a $200 credit! It really pays to speak up…

 

Dear Southwest Airlines,

I fly around California a lot and when I do I usually go out of my way to book all of my flights through Southwest. I enjoy your affordable fares and the flexibility you offer. I think it’s great that there is no additional charge to change or cancel a flight because, you know, things change. I also really appreciate that you let me check 2 bags for free! This being said, I had a particularly bad experience recently and I’m afraid I can’t stop thinking about it. Being a loyal Southwest customer I’m very shocked and disappointed with the way my last flight was handled.

Let me paint the picture for you…I was flying from LAX to SFO on a Thursday morning. My friend was getting married that weekend and I was so excited to get there. I woke up at 4:30am just to make sure I would get to LAX with plenty of time. I had checked into my flight in advance online so I thought I was all set, just show up, check my bag and head to the gate. Well, I was wrong. When I arrived at the check-in kiosk to check my bag an error message popped up on the screen saying that my flight had been cancelled! I couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought it was surely a mistake because I hadn’t been notified, not by text, not be email, nothing. One of your employees came over to help me and told me that she could get me on a flight to OAK instead of LAX, I agreed because I didn’t want to just sit in the airport all day. She told me that they would issue my boarding pass at the gate, but I had a seat on the flight.

So, I proceeded to go through security and went straight to the gate to get my boarding pass. Unfortunately, when I arrived at the gate the staff seemed overwhelmed and stressed out, they barely paid attention to me. They said that I would have to wait to the side and that they didn’t think there were any seats left on the flight. I waited patiently with a few other passengers and watched as they boarded the flight and closed the doors. At this point I assumed I hadn’t gotten a seat, even though the woman who checked my bag had promised me one. This is when I got a phone call from Southwest letting me know my original flight was cancelled. Seriously?? That’s the warning I get? If I as a passenger on your flight am expected to arrive at the airport over an hour before my flight, then I expect you as an airline to give me over an hours notice if my flight is cancelled.

I ended up getting on a flight that day, but I had to wait in the airport for hours and I had to fly into a completely different airport. I expected more from you, Southwest. I know changes need to be made sometimes but I just wish you had notified me sooner and been more accommodating. As a passenger, I count on you to get me from point A to point B in a reasonable amount of time and with a reasonable amount of comfort. If I’m not getting those things then what am I paying for? I probably could have driven to the bay area faster than you got me there that day and it would have been a lot cheaper. To make matters worse, my return flight was delayed as well! Maybe I should learn to expect travel complications when I use Southwest. The worst part of this whole experience was that none of your employees were apologetic or accommodating in the least. I would think that if you put someone out and make them wait in the airport for hours without even explaining why, you would at least be friendly and maybe offer me a drink ticket! In fact, you should offer more than that. Next time, I’ll think twice about booking with Southwest.

Sincerely,

Ginger Budrick

 

What’s the Deal with??

Waitresses on Blast 

I, like most people, spend lots of time thinking about what I do and do not like about my job. For example, I love the flexibility of being a waitress and the fact that I get to walk home each night with cash in my pocket. Who doesn’t love cash? But lately there’s been one huge gripe that I can’t get outta my head. It’s not really a gripe about my job per say, but more with the general public. WHY do STRANGERS (or almost strangers) feel comfortable making comments about the physical appearance and life goals of their waitress!? I am your waitress, it’s true, but I’m also a real, breathing, human person who has feelings and emotions and good days and bad days. If you happen to notice that I look tired or I’m wearing more/less makeup than usual or I’m dressed in a casual fashion, you don’t need to tell me! Chances are, since I’m the person who got myself ready, I already know that. I take the things people say seriously, so if you say something negative about me it’s going to hurt my feelings. Simple as that. I mean, what if I came to your office and stood above your desk and said, “You know Jim, that shirt makes you look a little wide and lumpy, you should consider smaller stripes next time”? How would that make you feel? I’ve been trying to think of other professions that open a person up to the scrutiny of the public, but I can’t think of many. And, the ones I can think of seem to pay a lot more! Just for fun I’ve included some REAL quotes from customers in the last few days…

“Oh, you’re wearing makeup today, you never wear makeup!” (I always wear makeup.)

“It’s really weird for a 30 year old girl to not be married”

“You’re like the most attractive girl in here, surprisingly”

30 Acts of Kindness for 30 Years

On my birthday, I’ll admit, I can be quite the brat. But this year, I was determined to do something that would force me to think less about myself and more about others. So, I decided to do 30 random acts of kindness for my 30th birthday. You know, one for each year. This all took place on May 8th, 2013 and was made possible with lots of support from my generous friend, Julia Ramage. It was a busy, rewarding, beautiful day! Below I’ve listed all the (not so) random acts, some with photos and descriptions, for those of you who would like to see them. Be kind!

First off, I should tell you that we had these cute little cards made to hand out with most of the random acts. They look like this…

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So, armed with those cards and a kindness bag filled with lots of other surprises, we headed out for the day. And here’s what we did…

1.) Gave Legos to neighbor kids.                                                                                                The neighbor kids love Legos and taught us everything we ever needed to know about Legos.

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2.) Gave “free drink” cards to the stylists at Drybar.                                                                You know we had to look fly for my birthday! So, we got an 8am blowout and, when we were done, we tipped the girls generously and gave them some free drink cards to use at Bodega Wine Bar.

3.) Bought a coffee for a stranger.                                                                                              We went to Starbucks and asked the girls who worked there to buy a drink for the next person who came in and give them one of our kindness cards. At first, they seemed confused, but then one of them started shouting, “Yay for nice people.”

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4.) Left Starbucks gift cards at an ATM.

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5.) Left a Lotto scratcher in a stranger’s mailbox in Monrovia. 

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6.) Gave Legos to our friend Brittani’s elementary school students.                                    This was probably the best act of kindness we did all day! We found out that Brittani’s students LOVE legos so we brought them each their own minifigure. They were so excited! And, each one of them made me a birthday card! How sweet is that!?

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7.) Put quarters in candy and toy machines at Toys R Us.

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8.) Paid for the person behind us at the McDonald’s drive thru.                                           (And got ourselves some fries.)

9.) Picked up litter at Victory Park. 

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10.) Taped money to a vending machine. 

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11.) Left a hand painted pot with a succulent in it at the park.

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12.) Hung “Take what you need” signs.                                                                                      Julia loves making these signs! And she’s damn good at it. We hung some racier ones later in the night. *wink*

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13.) Gathered carts in the parking lot at Vons.                                                                       Some people were looking at us like we were crazy! But one nice woman stopped to tell us that we both had pretty dresses. 

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14.) Paid for a stranger’s carwash.

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15.) Scattered wildflower seeds.                                                                                                     In my opinion, the world can always use more flowers!

16.) Hid one dollar bills in the Dollar Store.                                                                                    I was scared that the staff would get mad at me so we had to be quick! We left each dollar with a note that said, “If you find this dollar bill, buy yourself something with it!”

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17.) Donated clothes at Out of the Closet. 

18.) Gave money to a homeless man in front of the Dollar Store.                                             He then told me I had beautiful hair. Why thank you sir, I just got a blowout!

19.) Left a Lotto scratcher and kindness note at a bus stop. 

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20.) Left notes on cars. 

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21.) Gave a homeless man a foot-long Subway sandwich with some cash in the bag.          He was so genuinely touched and thankful.

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22.) Left Lotto scratchers and a note for our favorite Tender Greens employee.                  Julia and I go to Tender Greens a lot! And we always refer to this guy as our “boyfriend,” ’cause he is so sweet to us, always bringing us refills in to-go cups and free cupcakes and stuff. I hope he won something! (P.S. Our friend, Eddie, met us at Tender Greens to join the kindness team)

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23.) Put handmade bookmarks and kindness cards in books at the library.                      Since my dear aunt, Victoria Wise writes cookbooks we made sure to find one of her books to put one of the bookmarks in.

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24.) Filled meters in Old Town Pasadena.                                                                               Ironically, right before we went to fill the meters, we got a parking ticket! Don’t they know we are the kindness team!? (And yes, that is Eddie filling meters with his mouth.)

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25.) Bought a drink for a stranger and left a kindness card. 

26.) Bought a drink and left a kindness card for the nice guy sitting at the bar at Haven.   He offered to move so I could sit next to the plug and charge my phone. After we got him the drink and the bartender gave him his kindness card he told us that he thought it was really cool and he was gonna hang it up in his home. 🙂

27.) Filled washers with quarters at the laundromat.                                                                    I got a little silly with the hand-written message I left on the kindness cards. I couldn’t help myself!

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28.) Paid for a stranger’s taxi. 

29.) Gave 3 hand-painted pots filled with succulents to my Mom.                                               I mean, it’s an important day for her, too, since it IS the day she became a mother!

30.) Gave away these awesome finger puppets! 

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I’d have to say that this was my BEST BIRTHDAY YET! Turns out, being kind feels really, really good. Cheers to thirty, flirty years!

30 Lessons I’ve Learned in 30 Years

  1. Add the word “party” to undesirable chores to make them seem more fun. I’m having a cleaning party! You’re invited!
  2. Don’t sweat the things you don’t have control over, like sweat itself.
  3. Don’t compare yourself to others. We all have different timelines. And there are so many over-achievers out there.
  4. Coffee shops without bathrooms should be illegal. Think of all the shitty situations that combo has led to. Literally.
  5. Sometimes a cat can be your best friend. But at the end of the day, you still have to clean up its poop.
  6. Makeup is magical! And often necessary.
  7. LOVE YOURSELF.
  8. Mom makes everything better.
  9. Restaurants love putting chicken on salads.
  10. The Internet solves lots of life’s problems: loneliness, boredom, stupidity, horniness, and the burning desire for knowledge of things like Legos and Locksport.
  11. Zits always look worse after you pop them.
  12. Moms seem to be better than Dads at texting.
  13. Wherever you thought you were gonna be at 30 is probably not where you’ll be. And that’s ok. Your family may disagree.
  14. Having a support system is priceless. I’m not referring to bras, but those are important too.
  15. Spinach makes your teeth feel weird.
  16. When people ask the same question more than once, they aren’t asking a question anymore, they’re making a statement. And they are probably an asshole.
  17. Eating traditional foods on traditional days is quite satisfying. I.e. corn beef and cabbage or black-eyed peas.
  18. People LOVE giving advice. Especially when you don’t ask for it. Kinda like what I’m doing right now!
  19. A favor for a favor, folks.
  20. Real friends don’t mind if you are too tired/sad/overwhelmed to hang out.
  21. When talking shit about someone, listen closely, cause you are probably talking about the things you don’t like about yourself.
  22. Takin’ care of business feels good. Pay your bills on time!
  23. Diets and drinking don’t mix. Unless your goal is to look skinny while passed out on a toilet.
  24. Don’t hang out with people just cause you feel obligated.
  25. If you have something nice to say, say it. Everyone loves a compliment!
  26. It’s a slippery, slippery slope.
  27. Crazy people are the most interesting. But also the least reliable.
  28. Self-control is key; hopefully you have more than I do.
  29. Simultaneous orgasms are AMAZING. Pretty much all orgasms are amazing, actually.
  30. There’s a fine line between over-eager and under-eager. Especially when it comes to dating and interviews.

shit my friends say

“There’s just something about moving your hands around in a bowl of meat that makes you feel alive” –Julia Ramage

“Chunk pillow is not acceptable.” –Patty Masters

“Hot Chip was my favorite except the singer sounds like a tone deaf toddler…he kinda looks like a toddler too” –Zack Hagan

“Oooohh, it’s my SECOND favorite fruit, the loquat!” –Julia Ramage, a girl who loves her ‘quats

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What’s the Deal with??

Instafights

There are so many people who get in the most INTENSE fights on Instagram. I just don’t get it. Often, when I see these instafights, they are battle over celebrity or company photos, which I think is so rude, not to mention pathetic. Do you really think Kim Kardashian cares that you think her makeup looks too cakey? I honestly hope she and all the other poor celebs don’t read the comments because some are very hurtful.  And what does it say about you when you are posting hateful comments directed at complete strangers? Just today, I saw people getting ultra-heated in the comment section of a photo that Free People had posted. Free People is a brand. They make tons of money. YOU’RE GETTING IN A FIGHT WITH A BRAND! Does that make any sense? Why are you clogging up their feed with a bunch of religious and political arguments? Don’t you have any REAL people in your life you can fight with!? If not, call me, we can yell at each other over the phone.

Lessons I’ve Learned at Coachella

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  1. Coachella is possibly the worst place to have your period. There are probably diseases you can catch by changing a tampon in the port-o-potty.
  2. Sunscreen. SUNSCREEN.
  3. No matter how ill fitting the outfit you decided not to wear was, someone DID wear it.
  4. Crab garlic fries are good in theory but not so good when they hit the stomach.
  5. A lot of people like pot. And they like to share their pot…with strangers. Which means your saliva could be touching the saliva of a rockstar! Or a homeless person.
  6. No matter how much effort you put into your outfit, some chick is gonna look cuter than you. So, just get over it, have a drink (or a saliva drenched hit from a random doobie) and admire all the fashionable ladies of the desert.
  7. If a rockstar rocked in their 20’s/30’s then they keep rocking in their 40’s/50’s
  8. If a random dude offers to spray you with water, take him up on it. It’s hot out there! And it’s a love story waiting to happen!
  9. Some things become more obnoxious when it’s 100 degrees out. For example: bros, cigarettes, girls sitting on their boyfriends’ shoulders, the price of coconut water and beer gardens.

 

What’s the Deal with??

Unsolicited Penis Pics

What’s the deal with unsolicited penis pics? I mean, seriously guys. If I didn’t ask you for a picture or video (yes, I said video!) of your member, then why would you send it to me? Perhaps you WANT me to forward it to my most open-minded friends so we can have a good laugh on your behalf? And the worst part, one of the most recent videos I received was in the shower! I mean, isn’t that bad for your iPhone? Those things aren’t cheap and I don’t think it’s safe to have it that close to water.

The Wee Hours

There’s something so magical about wanting to stay up all night with someone you barely know. Fighting off tiredness just to hang on one another’s every word, because every word is a step further in. Sharing stories about each other’s lives, the moments that lead you to be wrapped up in a blanket in a cold apartment, excited and exhausted and anxious and frenzied all at the same time. I wish I could bottle that feeling and drink it when I’m feeling less than desirable.